The tale of Shimadzu Matt, the HPLC system who thought it was human

By: Sarah (School of Chemistry)
Competition Year: 2014
Votes (6) | Comments (0)
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I am known to all as Shimadzu Matt
I'm a top of the line machine at that
I was fitted together
By a man who was clever
And smelt of old oil and leather

My pump is my heart, so strong and so sure
My blood is solvent, so clean and so pure
My veins may be steel
But they're no less real
I am alive, I too can feel

I was unveiled with great pride and delight
I gleamed, shiny and new in the light
I was put through my paces
Before loving faces
I was the king, for I covered all bases

My PDA they loved, for I scanned the UV
My autosampler was lauded; I could take MTPs
My runtimes were short
For that I was bought
But soon my pride all came to nought

They forced me to work all day and all night
They would allow me neither rest nor respite
They only gave me a break
When it was too much to take
The pressure so high, my alarms were awake

My body at last grows old and tired
My tubing is blocked, my valve seals expired
My chromatography poor
Retention times unsure
Leaks spring, send my blood to the floor

I was the best; now I'm alone and confused
I sit in the corner, obsolete and unused
I see it, their new HPLC
For them, function always is key
Just a matter of time now, before they unplug m–​
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