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A scientific list

By: Holly (School of Earth and Environmental Sciences)
Competition Year: 2014
Votes (1) | Comments (1)
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To be read or sung to the tune of "As some day it may happen" ("I've Got a Little List") from the Gilbert and Sullivan operetta "The Mikado"

> View the comic version here

As some day it may happen that a victim must be found,
I've got a little list, I've got a little list,
of intellectual offenders who might well be underground,
and who never would be missed, who never would be missed!

There's the idiot reviewer who's completely lost the plot,
you can count on one hand all the brain cells that he's got,
and the health and safety courses that just make you want to cry,
that only make you look up all the rules you can defy,
and the stroppy student know-it-all who simply wont desist,
they'd none of them be missed, they'd none of them be missed!

He's got them on the list! He's got them on the list!,
And they'd none of them be missed! They'd none of them be missed!

The student in denial with his head stuck in the sand,
for the deadlines he has missed, oh he is on the list,
and the postgrad who decided to do referencing by hand,
then asked me to assist, their name is on the list!
There's the piece of kit that never works when visitors come round,
yet when they leave, try as you might, there's no fault to be found,
and when you call up tech support to ask how to proceed,
it takes an hour before you hear the option that you need.
The supervisor always on your back 'til you submit,
they'd none of them be missed, they'd none of them be missed!

He's got them on the list! He's got them on the list!,
And they'd none of them be missed! They'd none of them be missed!)

The administration obstacles you're forced to run around,
on which they all insist, I've got them on the list,
and the progress tracker systems for which answers must be found,
should frankly be dismissed; I've got that on the list!
There's the thesis draft you sent your boss for her to have a read,
who's notes look like the scrawlings of a spider high on speed,
and the irritating postgrad who's submitted right on time,
a breed that should be punished for committing such a crime.
The publication times as fast as continental drift,
they'd none of them be missed, they'd none of them be missed!

He's got them on the list! He's got them on the list!,
And they'd none of them be missed! They'd none of them be missed!)

The undergrad who thinks that you are at their beck and call,
but leaves early to get pissed, I've got him on the list,
and the ones that think the TA's should give answers to them all,
and when snubbed are simply miffed, I've got them on the list.
The student who assumes it's fine to reference from the net,
who hands in lines of URLs, and thinks it's all correct,
and the email you sent to your boss, he never got to read,
because he's wading through the spam to find the one he needs.
That irritating software written by a scientist,
they'd none of them be missed, they'd none of them be missed!

He's got them on the list! He's got them on the list!,
And they'd none of them be missed! They'd none of them be missed!

The undergrads who prance around the lab without their coats,
as if no rules exist, I've got them on the list,
and the orders that they won't process until they've got three quotes,
to their mills it's simply grist, They're surely on the list.
There's the one collaborator who will never send his share,
political connivances that simply do not care,
and the data you collected, and kept safely on a drive,
corrupted now you need it, and with no way to revive.
The social and the work life that refuse to co-exist,
they'd none of them be missed, so I'll put them on the list!

You may put them on the list! You may put them on the list!,
And they'd none of them be missed! They'd none of them be missed!
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Aisha:
Well done, Holly!
 
 
 
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